Definitons

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps
on everything, and then leaves.

CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.

MEERKATTING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above
the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded
“administrivia” needless paperwork and processes.

404 - Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404
not found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die.

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What
yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops
working to stay home with the kids or start a “home business”.

SINBAD. single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’)

GOING FOR A McSHIT. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention
of buying food, you’re just going to the bog. If challenged by a
pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you’ll buy their
food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a
‘black box’.

OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g . you’ve hit ‘reply all’)

AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home at 3am
after a booze session.

STRESS PUPPY . A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival
home after booze session, even though you’re too drunk to remember
where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours
of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits
to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of
the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS . Modern Slang for ‘beers’, e.g. “Couple of Britney’s
please”

JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from
the badges displaying stars that staff, at fast-food restaurants, often
wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely
impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually naught in
there worth seeing.

GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely
impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually nowt in
there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH . A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:
“Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!”.

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while
you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the
unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when
you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.

NELSON MANDELA - Rhyming Slang for ‘Stella’ (the lager)

PICASSO BUM - A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she’s got four buttocks

SALAD DODGER - An excellent phrase for an overweight person

SWAMP-DONKEY - A deeply unattractive woman

TART FUEL - Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women

URI GELLER - See Nelson Mandela


ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE

Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

John Philpin @JohnPhilpin
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