🖋️ LongForm
Want to reduce the noice and just focus on things with a little more meat - the this category is for you. Like so much on this site we have a ‘WIP’ as i take some out - and put some in - but safe for at least starting in 2026.
First Thoughts On 1999
First thing to point out ... I definitely am not a techy - but love what Dave Winer keeps on pushing with his work around the open web. That is why I signed on here and am loving what I am seeing.
I installed 1999 yesterday without a hitch. I have hit a couple of issues of Java exceptions that I have not reported - since I can't really get a repeatable case. The 'switch it off - switch it on' again solution has worked every time.
I love the live updating. Simple to use. As Mr Jobs used to say "It just works".
Seperately I am compiling a short list of nice to haves that I will post at sometime in the future - not yet though, I am still playing.
I hit a bug with RSS which I posted into Github - and Dave reponded VERY quickly - which in turn made me read the documentation. Sorry Dave. The documentation included this post. Duly read. Duly absorbed.
I think there is similar behavior with how 1999 works as with DayONE, of which I am a long time user. DayONE's recent changes cut off my ability to share from my personal journal into the big wide world. I wonder if there is synergy between them and this. Don't know.
Depite getting RSS recognized by IFTTT - thanks to reading Dave's documentation, I still haven't got the recipe working - it says it is working - but nothing is posting into the stream. Still thinking.
I also notice that I am not getting live updating on my blog of these posts. I have added the RSS widget on the menu bar to the left - and it has picked up the first few posts - but nothing since. If anyone is interested, it is running here on Beyond Bridges scroll all the way down to the bottom left headed 1999 Feed. None of this reported, since it still may be me - who knows. However, I did note that when I checked the feed at The W3C Feed Validation Service - it recognizes a valid feed - but at the same time lists a number of areas that it calls out under an initial statement
"This feed is valid, but interoperability with the widest range of feed readers could be improved by implementing the following recommendations."
All that said ... I am loving this - very happy bunny.
Thankyou.
Building An Index
http://thisisindexed.com/2016/04/important-people-life/
Love Indexed - trying to come up with the right phrasing for the bottom two quadrants.
I Liked Dave's post this morning ....
http://scripting.com/2016/04/22/1207.html
... as I wrote yesterday, auspicious that the day his project 1999 widens out for testing with a larger group on the very day that Prince passed.
Integration
Delighted to report that my 1999 RSS feed is now displayed on my blog at www.beyondbridges.net
Beginning To Connect My Apps Across The Internets
Big day today as I revamped 'Beyond Bridges', dabbled in 'The Grid' - and now launched into '1999'
Retirement
You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...
- You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
- You’ve experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
- You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
- You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
- You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
- The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
You can retire to California where...
- You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
- The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
- You know how to eat an artichoke.
- You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
- When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
- The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought
You can retire to New York City where...
- You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ….
- You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
- You think Central Park is “nature.”
- You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
- You’ve worn out a car horn. ( IF you have a car).
- You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can retire to Minnesota where...
- You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup …
- Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
- You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
- Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
- The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair. 6. The highest level of criticism is “He is different, she is different or It was different!
You can retire to the Deep South where...
- You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
- “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
- “He needed killin” is a valid defense.
- Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.
- Everywhere is either “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonde”..
You can retire to Colorado where...
- You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
- You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
- A pass does not involve a football or dating.
- The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can retire to the Nebraska where...
- You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
- Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
- You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
- You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at.
You can retire to Florida where...
- You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
- All purchases include a coupon of some kind – even houses and cars.
- Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
- Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
- Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
It's An Approach
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”
“Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“Four months vacation and five good leads…”
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
Language
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
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Non Accidental Accents
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
Hesitantly Patriotic
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
Copper Clappers et al
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
Rolling On The Floor
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
Why Men Are Seldom Depressed
Men Are Just Happier People
- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack..
- You can never be pregnant.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal.
- You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- Same work, more pay..
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress $5000.. Tux rental-$100..
- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you,
- He or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You only have to shave your face and neck.
- You can play with toys all your life.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
- You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes.
NICKNAMES
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
- If Mike, Dave and Chuck go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and Chuck will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
- None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators..
MONEY
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
- A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
- A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
It’s A Joke People - https://documents.philpin.com/micro-blog/humour">Find Out More
Starting Fights
HOW TO START A FIGHT
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
______________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in
about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
Science Puns
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
PMS jokes aren't funny; period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Velcro - what a rip off!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
iPads
It’s in German, but totally understandable in any language.
A Daughter is visiting her father and is helping in the kitchen.
She asks: Tell me dad, how are you managing with the new I-Pad we gave you for your birthday?
This is in German but that’s all you really need to know.
You’ll get the rest:
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
Don't Drink and Drive - Take A Bus Home
I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.