Best Ads On TV ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

Understanding Engineers - Take One Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.

Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, Which rightly earned Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they’re telling us we are living too long and there’ll be no more pension money left for us.

Alternatively, for those born before 1986 (Part One can be found here on the Webservations Blog). According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60’s, 70’s and early 80’s probably shouldn’t have survived,because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus." Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

A statistician is someone who loves to work with numbers but doesn’t have the personality to be an accountant. ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site.

The guy in the lower left is Bill Gates worth $80 billion. Paul Allen, the co-owner with a net worth around $40 billion is on the bottom right. But who are the others … other than nameless billionaires ? ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,” Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. (On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) "

Not the best track ever, not a dog, but not the best. Even so. make sure your speakers are plugged in, the volume is cranked and take 4 minutes and 27 seconds of time out ….. The Juggling Final ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

My thanks to Mike K … It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

IPOD for the Masses ? Click Click … totally right on - thank god ‘I Mac’. It’s A Joke People - Find Out More Meanwhile, the video below is not rendering, most likely because the owner is preventing it from being embedded. You can still watch the link by clicking on the link at the top of there post.

A couple arrives home to their 5-bedroom house in a leafy suburb. Uponentering the house, they call out for their eldest daughter, whose18th birthday it was that day. The expected answer did not come, sothe father went upstairs. He knocked and entered his daughter'sbedroom and saw a letter on the bed.With the worst possible premonition, he read with trembling hands:Dear Mum and Dad,It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I'veeloped with my new boyfriend.

Fainting Goats - click here … the video needs to be watched.: OK - I shouldn’t laugh … but so you know “Myotonic goats are also called Wooden Leg goats, ‘stiff leg’ or Tennessee fainting goats. These are one of the few goats that are indigenous to the U.S. There are two strains of this animal. Most of those found in Tennessee and the eastern U.S. are smaller. When the goat is being fed or becomes startled its muscles become stiff allowing the goat to fall on the ground in a fainting position.

… thanks to Mike Klein for this one. Click on the image to see a larger rendition. ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

Dear Mr Addison, I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked,"How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

Ponderisms … funny things these - Carlin-esque … in in some ways. ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 2. A day without sunshine is like, night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory. 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe

It’s time once again to review the winners of the Annual “Stella Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck of New Mexico who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald’s. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States. Here are this year’s winners: 7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store.

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks. BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles. MEERKATTING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu, George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands … …. thanks Andrew :) ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

Thanks to John (two Jags.) Prestcott there is so much building going on everywhere else, on Sailsbury plain, nothing. Hasn’t been any building there for, ooh, 4,000 years, I suppose. Even then I dare say back in neolithic times there was some stone-age man standing in the observation platform watching what was going on, I dare say he didn’t care for it much either. Imagine if you will the following conversation 4000 years ago on Salisbury plain!

.. to be passed on to your mum, your daughters, grandaughters, nieces, aunts, girlfriends … 1. Don’t imagine you can change a man - unless he’s in nappies. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man’s mind wander - it’s too little to be out alone.