Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, Which rightly earned Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British.
The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they’re telling us we are living too long and there’ll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they’d make their minds up.
‘Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends’, or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.
P Boddington, Ringway
It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way, such as slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from adoor with a belt.
Paul Mulraney, Belfast
My friend’s mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to make than this?
Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson’s remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn’t anywhere near as funny as the original?
On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They’ve obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.
Alan J., London
Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars.
T Barnham, London
Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric, Abu Hamsa.
How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the ‘N’ word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son’s football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it’s one law for the rich and another for the poor.
Reg Ashcroft, Bradford
The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven’t told the poor sods?
Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.
With reference to that series “Manhunt” where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don’t the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the bloke quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them.
Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of “There is Nothing Left to Lose” by the Foo Fighters.hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.
Chris Scaife, Jesmond
I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is “satisfied that David Kelly took his own life”. He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn’t this taking gloating just a little too far?
Dave Owen, Edinburgh
I never worry about the destination when I’m going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.
What’s all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world’s oldest mum? My mum’s 77. Beat that.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLEOriginally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.