Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen."
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they’re a bunch of liars.
Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60’s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
You read about all these terrorists - most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster:
You’re two days late with a video and those people are all over you.
Let’s put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
Here’s the final word on nutrition and health! It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:
1a) The Chinese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
1b) The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
2a) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
2b) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3a) The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like…….
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.