So many of these hit true - just had to record for posterity …
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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Remember, half the people you know are below average…
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He who laughs last thinks slowest.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
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Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
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If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
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OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
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When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
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How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
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What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
21 Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
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Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’
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Just remember – if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
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Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.