If only your nation were blessed with the steady hand of a very stable genius like ours, you too could enjoy the soothing predictability of a stock market that never swings wildly, crashes overnight, or reacts to, say, courtrooms or coups like this.

Imagine the poor souls living under the tyranny of uncertainty where interest rates whiplash, AI stocks moonwalk, and politicians treat indictments like press releases.

Thankfully, we have none of that nonsense. All hail our calm, collected, chaos-free dear leader..