In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry:Oh, a file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. The Web site you seek Cannot be located but Countless more exist. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. Aborted effort: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much. Windows NT crashed.

The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari’s decision to take advantage of the British governments ‘Work for Benefits ' scheme and employ unemployed Scousers. The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed Liverpool youths were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari’s existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions-of-pounds-worth of high tech gear.

… and all that … It’s A Joke People - Find Out More

European Heightened Security The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from MIFFED to PEEVED. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to IRRITATED or even a BIT CROSS. Londoners have not been a BIT CROSS since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from TIRESOME to a BLOODY NUISANCE. The last time the British issued a BLOODY NUISANCE warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from London to Sydney. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be tied up and savagely raped by a dozen blonde whores than let liquor touch my lips.

Blessed Are The Non Smokers … is a piece by Oliver Pritchett of the Telegraph - tickled my bone- thanks Dad. Somewhere there will be an equivalent piece - I am sure - that will discuss the fact that those of us who are living ‘at her majesties pleasure’ will soon have the right to request a non smoking cell … since this is where they live - meanwhile the warders will be asked to leave the building - since it is their place of work ….

More thanks to Mike Klein … TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. ______ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?" GLENN: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L TEACHER: No, that’s wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

My thanks to Mike Klein - again … <img style=“cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;” src=“http://bp0.blogger.com/_DXkFEAXUNnc/RkIpiaJn9XI/AAAAAAAAAEY/PGislRwdyqA/s320/OfficialAnnouncement.jpg" border=“0” alt=““id=“BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5062654602229839218” /> ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

Another Klein special … You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I’m wrong. So I went to buy a watch. The man in the shop said “Analogue.” I said “No, just a watch." I went into a shop and I said, “Can someone sell me a kettle.” The bloke said “Kenwood” I said, “Where is he?" So I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?