European Heightened Security The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from MIFFED to PEEVED. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to IRRITATED or even a BIT CROSS. Londoners have not been a BIT CROSS since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from TIRESOME to a BLOODY NUISANCE. The last time the British issued a BLOODY NUISANCE warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are SURRENDER and COLLABORATE. The high alert was due to a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability. It’s not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from SHOUT LOUDLY AND EXCITEDLY to ELABORATE MILITARY POSTURING. Two more levels remain: INEFFECTIVE COMBAT OPERATIONS and CHANGE SIDES. The Germans also increased their alert state from DISDAINFUL ARROGANCE to DRESS IN UNIFORM AND SING MARCHING SONGS. They also have two higher levels: INVADE A NEIGHBOR and LOSE. Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.