Enjoy - and I look forward to posting the male equivalent :-) PREGNANCY Q & A Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q : I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A man and a woman who had never met before and who were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping cabin on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "
The next time you takean oceanography course, you will be totally prepared … This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. ( Kelly , age 6) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
Act naturally Found missing Resident alien Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation Airline Food Good grief Same difference Almost exactly Government organization Sanitary landfill Alone together Legally drunk Silent scream Living dead Small crowd Business ethics Soft rock Butt head Military intelligence Software documentation New classic Sweet sorrow Child Proof “Now, then …” Synthetic natural gas Passive aggression Taped live Clearly misunderstood Peace force Extinct life Temporary tax increase Computer jock Plastic glasses Terribly pleased Computer security Political science Tight slacks Definite maybe Pretty ugly Twelve-ounce pound cake Diet ice cream Working vacation Exact estimate Microsoft Works ITS.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
Some crackers within here : Light Bulb Jokes. Including : Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The seeds of the revolution are in the light bulb itself. Q: How many Australians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty-one. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink beer until the room starts spinning. Q: How many college students does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A ventriloquist is on stage telling dumb blonde jokes. A blonde shouts, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid jokes! What does the color of a person’s hair have to do anything? Guys like you keep women like me from achieving because you discriminate against blondes!” The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde yells, “You stay out of this, Mister! I’m talking to that little f___ker on your knee!” Thankyou Charles
... as the description says : When a smoking hot babe is asked on an expensive dinner date, she bites off more than she can chew. Watch the movie about 'timing' here ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.
MY thanks to 'Bruce' for this one ..... The recession has hit everybody really hard... My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon with only one wife.