Classic - Thanks Lou
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
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Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
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THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
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Anne Robinson : Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant:Â Bombay.
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Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
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Anne Robinson : Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting) : Pass!
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Anne Robinson : In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling
entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
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Anne Robinson : The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were
written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
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Anne Robinson : Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins
with G, > revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!
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NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
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CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBCÂ BRISTOL
Searle : In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller : Japan .
Searle : I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear
that, I can let you try again.
Caller : Er... Mexico ?
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FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword
2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon
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3) Name the capital of France? - F
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4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell
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5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar
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6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital
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7) What is Hitler's first name? â Heil
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8) A famous Scotsman? â Jock
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9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.
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10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs
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11) Something that floats in a bath? â Water
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12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse
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13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair
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14) A famous Royal? â Mail
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15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings
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16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
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17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet
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18) Something you do in the bathroom? â Decorate
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19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on
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20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police
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21) A sign of the Zodiac? â April
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22) Something people might be allergic to? â Skiing
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23) Something you do before you go to bed? â Sleep
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24) Something you put on walls? - A roof
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25) Something slippery? - A conman
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26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish
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27) A jacket potato topping? â Jam
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28) A food that can be brown or white? - A potato
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29) Something sold by gypsies? â Bananas
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30) Something red? - My sweater
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RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
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Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona .
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant : I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in
Spain.
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STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
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Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant:Â India.
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Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.
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Wright: What is the capital of Australia ? And it's not Sydney .
Contestant:Â Sydney.
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THIS MORNING
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Judy Finnegan : The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera.
True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an
American TV show, so I'll give you that.
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BBC RADIOÂ NEWCASTLE
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Paul Wappat : How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel
last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
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BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four
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BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?
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DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant:Â Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.