Texas Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas … If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Texas ; If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ; If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas ;

Courtesy of Mike Klein … A jewish boy goes home from school and says to his mum “guess what? I got a part in the school play!" “Wonderful darling! What part did you get?" “I’m playing the part of the Jewish Husband!" The mother frowns and says “Go back to your teacher and tell them you want a speaking part.” ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site.

A man walks into a bank, gets in line and when it is his turn he pulls out a gun … and robs the bank!!! To make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line: ‘Did you see me rob this bank?' The customer replies: ‘YES!' The bank robber raises his gun, POINTS IT & BANG!! SHOOTS HIM in THE HEAD AND KILLS HIM!

Love Love Love … How to Change the World: April Fools' Stories You Shouldn’t Believe passed on - with thanks to : Guy Kawasaki ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego , was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her parked car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.

More fun with statistics ... (Via ... My Friend Kevin.) ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. “Stanley,” responds the little boy. “And what is your question, Stanley?” “I have 4 questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates

Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: “Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f…ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!

If there is no self, Whose arthritis is this? » Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated? » Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip… joy. With the second… satisfaction. With the third, peace. With the fourth, a danish. » Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story. » Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems.