My thanks to one Bob Bolton - where I have sourced these lyrics on a post going back to 21st April 1998 (Mudcat)

Bob wrote : 'G'day again,I have sat down at typed the whole lot out - as performed by Jeremy Taylor on his 1979 Australian tour.'

Now, I was just an ordinary English man,
Till I got me uniform, and hat,
And ever since that hour,
I exercise me power,
Preventing you from doing this and that.
You'll find me on the turnstiles at the zoo,
Or outside the Roxy, marshalling the queue,
And if you turn up late,
when I'm on the gate,
It's no good asking me to let you through ... 'cause I'll just say:

CHORUS:
Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like, you know what you can do! (A...a...ah...ah)

When you're trying to see, what the butler saw,
I'm the one who says; "Come on, move on!",
And if you want to stay, you'll have to bleedin' pay,
And even then you can't stay long.
You may be almost dropping dead from thirst,
Or waiting for the toilet, fit to burst,
But I've got the key ...
and you won't get that from me,
Until I've had me little grumble first!

CHORUS:
Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like, you know what you can do! (A...a...ah...ah)

Spoken: (Yes, well, I died in the last war for people like you ... don't you forget it!)

Fishing in the river, on a summer's day,
I s'pose you think that water's all for free?
But, I've got news for you;
everybody pays his due,
And right now it'll cost you 50p (plus VAT).
Don't think you can picnic on the grass,
Public amenity ... my ah ... foot,
And if you want fresh air,
you'll find some over there,
But I don't fell inclined to let you pass ...without a backhander.

CHORUS:
Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like, you know what you can do! (A...a...ah...ah)

Mornin' Skipper, what can we do for you?
(Recitative) "Don't call me Skipper!"
... All right Chief, don't shout.
(Recitative) Whatever you require,
we're very sorry, Squire,
But it's ten to one we just sold out.'
Course ... you could try that shop around the block ... (sniff),
But I doubt if he's got any left in stock,
And if you think we'll get 'em through,
inside a month or two,
I'm afraid you're in for a nasty shock, ... Cock.

CHORUS:
Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like, you know what you can do! (A...a...ah...ah)

When you get back home, you will heave a sigh,
And thank the Lord that you've got rid of me.
But it won't be very long
before your telephone goes wrong,
And you need someone to fix your ... TV,
And add to that, your lights have all gone out, (Nya, nya)
And your central heating boiler's up the spout,
And when you're tearing your hair,
and the wife's going spare,
You'll hear us in the distance calling out: (Two, three, four...)


CHORUS:
Jobsworth, josbsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like, you know what you can do! (You can lump it!)

NOTE: Transcription includes asides (in brackets) that need not be part of any given performance

BRIEF GLOSSARY

ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE

Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity.
The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.