“Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.” “Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside.

Years since I have seen ‘Andy Capp’ - and still hits the bone. My thanks to MK for the forward. ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE Originally Posted On Humor.Philpin.com - a now defunct site. I moved the content here for posterity. The date of this post is the date that it was originally published on that site.

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER 
ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER 
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT 
THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE 
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE 
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM 
SLOT MACHINES:

… well don’t actually - these are just some fun things I turned up recently …. In the 1400’s a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have “the rule of thumb”. Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled “Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden”…and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

The Pope and Gordon Brown are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Gordon and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go …deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter. After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.