Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females use a date-drug on the market called 'Beer ' .

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship' ... In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage'. Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

If you fall victim to this 'Beer ' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.

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Yes, it's  that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed,  honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious  winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during
a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger..
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space.  Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.  Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies..
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a  Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape...

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti  Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A
5-STAR  STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained
for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to
a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined
to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Remember.... They walk  among us, they can reproduce and they are allowed
to vote.............

ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
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The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle…

The war-weary Marine asked, ‘Ma’am, may I have that seat?’

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular ‘Americans are so rude. Cannot he see that my little Fifi is using that seat.’

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. ‘Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.

She snorted, ‘Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!’

This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, ‘Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!’

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, ‘Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.

ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
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It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. 

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

• The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
• The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.
• The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.
• The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub.
• The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.
• The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.
• The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the Irish debt reduction package works!!!.

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Always a sucker for some quick fire gags - my favorite from this particular collection

A London banker dies in poverty and so his local pub decides to raise funds for his funeral. One day a man walks into the pub and is asked to donate 20p for the fund. "What's it for?" he asks, and the landlord tells him. So he reaches into his pocket, hands him a £5 note and says, "Here, go and bury 25 of them."

Passed on - with thanks to : The Guardian - click on the link for the original article.

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As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help   from  that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January,1990) - I am   pleased  to  present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly.  BUT there are 300,000 species of  living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are   insects  and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule outflying reindeer which only  Santa  has ever seen.

2)  There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and  Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378  million according to Population Reference Bureau.  At an average (census)  rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8million homes.  One   presumes  there's at least one good child in each.

3)  Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different  time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to   west  (which seems logical).  This works out to822.6 visits per second.  This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,   Santa  has 1/1000th of a second topark, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the  chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the  tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get   back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.  Assuming that each of these  91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth(which, of  course,  we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will  accept),  we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2  million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least  once  every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second,3,000  times the speed of sound.  For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-   made  vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per  second - a conventional reindeer can run,tops, 15 miles per hour.

4)  The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming  that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2   pounds),  the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not countingSanta, who is   invariably  described as overweight.  On land,conventional reindeer can pull no more  than 300 pounds.  Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1)   could  pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or   even  nine. We need 214,200 reindeer.  This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons.  Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen   Elizabeth.

5)  353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air  resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as  spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere.  The lead pair of   reindeer  will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy.  Per second.  Each.  In  short,  they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer  behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.  The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a  second.  Santa, meanwhile,will be subjected to centrifugal forces   17,500.06  times greater than gravity.  A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously  slim)  would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

ITS.A.JOKE.PEOPLE
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The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron's health care proposals....

• The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
• The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
• The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
• Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
• Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
• The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
• The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The ENT specialists wouldn't hear of it.
• The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter"
• The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
• The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
• In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in London.

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Merry Christmas from Don Imus and friends ...

Don Imus - 77 WABC

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Harry and Ronnie doing their stuff- very funny,

Passed on - with thanks to : BBC - BBC One Programmes - The One Ronnie, Blackberry Sketch

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Once again my thanks to Mike K for these.....

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks,

“Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?''

The wise old Rabbi answers: " Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one.

---

If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?

---

My father says, "Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family."

I said, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?"

---

Jewish Marriage advice "Don't marry a beautiful person. They may leave you.

Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?"

---

Morris went to his rabbi for some needed advice. "Rabbi, tell me is it proper for one man to profit from another man's mistakes?"

"No Morris, a man should not profit from another's man mistakes" answered the rabbi.

"Are you sure Rabbi?"

"Of course, I'm sure, in fact I'm positive" exclaimed the Rabbi.

" Ok, Rabbi, if you are so sure, how about returning the two hundred dollars I gave you for marrying me to my wife?"

---

The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."

The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have cognac."

The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."

The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."

The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."

The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."

---

Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget,

but she'll never forget what she forgave."

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Thanks to Mike K for the list ::::

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when your father gets home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

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A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, “Okay, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
 
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.” “That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?“The Jewish mother replies, “I don’t like her.”

My thanks once again to Mr. M.K.

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Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading. One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear programme and the suffering economy and growing antisemitism across Europe…" He points to the antisemitic rag. "Now I read this and I feel much better. Turns out there's actually a Jewish global conspiracy and we control the entire world."

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A Norwegian, a Faroese and an Icelander are about to be executed. Each one gets a final wish. The Faroese asks for a final feast of sour shark and dried whalemeat for everyone. The Icelander asks to be allowed to compose an epic poem in the old style about how cruelly he is being treated and about how great Iceland is. The Norwegian thinks for a while, and then says: "Can I be executed before the poem is read and the food is served?" Valur Gunnarsson

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I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....

"Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."

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